Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
