Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
