I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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