i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
