i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
