can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
babies were throwing up all over the place
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
