no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
