alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
