Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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