Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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