i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize