The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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