yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
