Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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