I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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