K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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