I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
