dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
