she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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