Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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