More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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