Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
