Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
