it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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