I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
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