OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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