when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
