I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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