Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
