You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
