i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
