She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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