Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
