can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Duck Duck Cougar?
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
