Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
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There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
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It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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