im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
