Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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