what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
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