By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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