Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
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duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
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When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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