I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Randomize
