Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
there is puke in my bra ... again
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
