Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
tell me about the eggs
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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