You just made me feel so damn special
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
