I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
