so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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