anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Randomize
