I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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