I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
