sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
