New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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