It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
how do you play pong handcuffed?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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