I must be too annoying 4 u.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
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Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
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We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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