omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
