We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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