My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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