Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
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