I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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