I saw his package. It spoke to me.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize