WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
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I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
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I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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