Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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