If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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