i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
not ubering you a puppy
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
