I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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