No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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