the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
