Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
