Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
