he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
