My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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