It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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